I have been wanting to create this for some time, over the years I have stored up in my brain some of the best dumb-ass excuses I have received from models.  I certainly don’t think every model out there is giving me lines, but c’mon … really….. ok, you be the judge:

• Funeral: I remember a model one time told me the following, as to why she had to cancel her shoot scheduled in two weeks, “Hi, yeah, unfortunately I need to cancel my shoot on May 27 [two weeks ahead] because I have to attend a funeral on that day.”  Now granted, she was at least courteous enough to let me know in advance that she couldn’t make it, but wow … that excuse just left me utterly speechless! I was thinking to myself later “did she have an execution to attend?”

• Power Outage: A model sends me an email and says that she never bothered to show up for her shoot an hour before because she had a power outage.  She goes on to tell me though that she is even sitting in the dark, as she is typing the email to me because the power is still out. Hmm, now I am thinking, “so power is out but she can still send an email?” I call her, and when she answers the phone she sticks to her story, but in the background you hear someone say “hurry up, the movie is starting!”

• Stripper Pole: Had a model tell me the reason she was a “no-show” for our shoot was because the night before the stripper pole she was swinging on broke! She ended up having to be rushed to the hospital with a concussion.  Maybe this was true, but I still think it qualifies as lame-ass.

• Born Again Christian: Had a girl not show and later tell me the reason is because that day she became a Born Again Christian and then decided she was not going to model anymore.  That is all well and good, but does that mean she was now unable to use the phone, email or anything to at least let me know? Note: A week later my photographer buddy did a shoot with her – guess that BAC shit was short-lived.

• Deported: Model emails me telling me she got deported back to the Philippines and that is why she couldn’t make it to the shoot.  Just for the fun of it, I looked up the location of the IP address attached to the email – San Francisco!  Maybe she had a relative send the email from the US? I don’t know, maybe I am not supposed to be so technically savvy – sorry.

Of course, these five are on top of the many last minute sicknesses, food poisonings, dead grandmothers, car accidents, muggings, car towings and stolen everything (cell phones, laptops, keys, purses etc.).

Stay tuned… I am sure there will be more to come.